I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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