So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mom said you looked used
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
