it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
birth control should be required to get into college
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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