i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
