I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
