If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
