Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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