Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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