Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
