Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
