fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
