i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
