Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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