she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
