just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
