Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
