I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The air taste purple.
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