Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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