I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
