I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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