Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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