My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize