listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize