She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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