Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize