I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
