he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
