This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
