Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize