Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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