I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
