so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
