and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
