mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
