I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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