i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
