party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
