I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
