There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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