i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
