I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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