There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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