I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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