i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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