She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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