Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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