We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
