i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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