he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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