Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
