i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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