It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
