My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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