If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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