The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
