You can't motorboat a personality
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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