shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
