quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
