I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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