Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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