Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
