My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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