3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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