i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
