i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You need a sexual gate keeper
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
